The Spartan Oracle.

Artificial Love

Rayah Squibb, Editor

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To an extent, it is

healthy-this wild

desire for freedom.


leaving him angry and alone

will not set me free.

It is rather an inner battle. I have adopted his behavior, nourished

the implications into words, whole mouthfuls of them.

I have suffocated my own thoughts,

used his fear to build the very foundation of my self-worth.

It has become a reality I escape to,

a secret garden that feeds on every harsh word & every negative thought.


I have let my mind grow into a terrible, frightening place. He tells me I am beautiful but somehow I cannot accept that the twisted, broken parts of me deserve love too; that the glass edges and impossible memories can be melted into beauty.


I watch my lovers reach to me, from somewhere far away

I scream- but they are all too late.

My beautiful golden boy, looks at me with blood dripping down his cheek

DIDN’T I TELL YOU about the thorns

didn’t I tell you


And you, and you.

Too enthralled by my roses to care

Whether I bloom for you

Or not

Didn’t I tell you?

this is only artificial love


There are times My skin melts into fingerprints and the scars fade away

I can feel love reaching out to the worst parts of me –

it aches like nothing else


Some nights I cannot bear either reality

my mind swirls with the possibility

of freedom but I cannot destroy myself in the process of erasing his voice.

I do not know how to forgive myself for letting it get that far,  for taking the stones he threw at me and carrying them like a child,


My father may have raised me weak,

but it was you who stripped me of my soul

when all I ever wanted was a home.

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Artificial Love